Talking to 35 Strangers at the Gym

在健身房与 35 个陌生人搭话

Background A couple months ago, I was the Wizard of Loneliness. I had graduated from college almost two years prior and, while I had luckily found a job, I was unsuccessful in finding friends. Each night, I would look up “how to make friends after college” and find the same advice given every time: “do your hobby with other people, frequently”. On paper, the gym seemed like the perfect opportunity to meet people since I would go there nearly every day; however, according to Reddit, there’s a number of people who want to be left alone and can be irritated if you interrupted their workout to talk.

背景 几个月前，我还是个“孤独巫师”。大学毕业快两年了，虽然幸运地找到了工作，但在交朋友方面却一无所获。每天晚上，我都会搜索“大学毕业后如何交友”，得到的建议千篇一律：“经常和别人一起做你的爱好”。理论上，健身房似乎是结识朋友的绝佳场所，因为我几乎每天都去；然而，根据 Reddit 上的说法，很多人在健身时希望独处，如果打断他们的锻炼去搭话，可能会让他们感到烦躁。

I am deeply afraid of irritating someone or being in awkward situations. Here’s a list of things that I did as a result of that fear:

• Hesitated for a couple minutes before waking up my roommate when the fire alarm went off
• Pretended I didn’t know a childhood friend when they said hi because I didn’t know how to act around people I used to know
• Ignored people I knew from class instead of saying hi because I didn’t know for sure if they remembered me even though the class had only 10 people in it

我非常害怕惹恼别人或陷入尴尬的境地。因为这种恐惧，我做过以下这些事：

• 火警响起时，犹豫了好几分钟才敢去叫醒室友。
• 当儿时玩伴向我打招呼时，我假装不认识，因为我不知道该如何面对曾经熟悉的人。
• 即使是只有 10 个人的课堂，我也会无视那些我认识的同学，因为我不确定他们是否还记得我。

So you can understand when I say that walking up to someone and starting a conversation with them at the gym of all places is kinda terrifying for me. Unfortunately, there was no other good option. My other hobby is programming, but the Syracuse Development group only meets up once a month, and activities suggested by r/Syracuse like volleyball and trivia night require you to already have friends. I didn’t have a choice. If I wanted friends, I would have to put in the work at the gym.

所以，当我说在健身房这种地方主动找人搭话对我来说非常可怕时，你应该能理解了。不幸的是，我没有其他更好的选择。我的另一个爱好是编程，但雪城（Syracuse）开发小组一个月才聚会一次，而 r/Syracuse 推荐的活动（如排球和知识问答之夜）通常需要你已经有朋友才行。我别无选择。如果想要朋友，我就必须在健身房付出努力。

Problem Statement I am lonely and have no friends.

问题陈述 我很孤独，没有朋友。

Procedure I decided to run a little experiment to find some friends. Each day, for one month, I picked out one person to approach. Usually it would be someone I saw frequently at the gym. Then, I would approach them, wave or tap them on the shoulder to get their attention, and then give them my opening line. Initially, my opening line for everyone was “Hey I see you here all the time. You’re pretty strong. What’s your split?” After a week or so, I began customizing the opening line per person based on what I found interesting about them. For instance, someone was wearing a Boston hat and I was curious whether they went to school in Boston like I did, so I asked them about it. After the opening line, I tried to talk to them for 5-10 minutes until they let me go. I tried not to be the one to end it because I have a habit of ending conversations early.

流程 我决定做一个小实验来结交朋友。在一个月的时间里，我每天挑选一个人去搭讪。通常是那些我在健身房经常见到的人。我会走过去，挥手或拍拍他们的肩膀引起注意，然后说出我的开场白。起初，我对所有人的开场白都是：“嘿，我经常在这里见到你。你很强壮啊，你的训练计划（split）是怎么安排的？”大约一周后，我开始根据每个人的特点定制开场白。例如，有人戴着波士顿的帽子，我很好奇他们是否像我一样在波士顿上过学，于是就问了他们。开场白之后，我尽量和他们聊 5-10 分钟，直到他们结束对话。我尽量不主动结束谈话，因为我有过早结束对话的习惯。

Results Here’s the raw data. I split it up by week and put it into these collapsible things because it takes up a lot of space. Click on each week to see the data for that week. Description is a short description of the person. Length is how long the conversation was. A short conversation is 0-2 minutes, a medium conversation is 5-7 minutes, and a long conversation is 10+ minutes. Notes are just anything interesting about the conversation or the person I was talking to. Aftermath is what happened after that conversation.

结果 以下是原始数据。我按周进行了分类，并将其放入折叠框中，因为数据量很大。点击每周即可查看当周的数据。描述是对该人的简短介绍。时长是对话持续的时间。短对话为 0-2 分钟，中等对话为 5-7 分钟，长对话为 10 分钟以上。备注是关于对话或对方的一些有趣信息。后续是指对话发生后的情况。

(Note: The table data provided in the original text has been summarized below for clarity)

Week 1 (7)

• Upstate Medical University Student: Medium length. He is indeed a student. We have short chats sometimes.
• Big guy in brown hat: Long length. We connected on Instagram. We are friendly and chat often.
• CS major: Long length. Very talkative. He moved away after finding a job.
• Medical coder: Medium length. He complimented my dips. We don’t interact anymore.
• Guy in Boston hat: Medium length. He was lifting while talking. We don’t interact anymore.
• Guy who lives downtown: Medium length. We chatted daily for a while, still chat weekly.
• Mech eng with moustache: Short length. He didn’t want to talk. We don’t interact.

第一周 (7)

• 上州医科大学学生： 中等时长。他确实是医学生。我们偶尔会简单聊几句。
• 戴棕色帽子的壮汉： 长时长。我们在 Instagram 上互关了。我们很友好，经常聊天。
• 计算机专业学生： 长时长。非常健谈。他找到工作后搬走了。
• 医疗编码员： 中等时长。他夸我双杠臂屈伸做得好。我们现在没互动了。
• 戴波士顿帽子的人： 中等时长。他边练边聊。我们现在没互动了。
• 住市中心的人： 中等时长。我们曾每天聊天，现在每周还会聊。
• 留胡子的机械工程师： 短时长。他不想聊天。我们没有互动。