Building from zero after addiction, prison, and a felony

从成瘾、入狱和重罪的深渊中重建人生

I spent ages 14–16 in a maximum-security juvenile prison, became a felon at 19, lost almost everything to addiction, and later rebuilt my life through software, open source, and a few people who took a chance on me. 我在 14 到 16 岁期间被关在最高安全级别的少年监狱中，19 岁时成为了一名重罪犯，因成瘾几乎失去了一切。后来，我通过软件开发、开源社区以及几位愿意给我机会的人，重建了自己的人生。

I’ve wanted to write this for a while, but kept finding reasons not to. It felt too personal, too risky, and too easy to misread. 我一直想写下这段经历，但总能找到理由推迟。我觉得这太私人、风险太高，而且很容易被误解。

Recently, I decided on two things: 最近，我下定了两个决心：

• After seeing Preston Thorpe speak publicly about his own background, I wondered how many others like us were silently lurking in tech.
• 在看到 Preston Thorpe 公开谈论他自己的背景后，我开始好奇，在科技行业中，还有多少像我们这样的人在默默潜行。
• I’m far enough in my career with enough contributions to OSS and community involvement, that I think I’ll probably be alright.
• 我的职业生涯已经足够稳固，在开源软件（OSS）和社区参与方面也有了足够的贡献，我想我应该没问题了。

I wrote this for anyone quietly wondering whether they have no chance at a future. Below is the much-condensed life story of my struggles with addiction, poverty, and incarceration + life after being a felon. My hope is that it serves as encouragement to others who are in similar circumstances that things CAN get better. 我写这篇文章是为了那些默默怀疑自己是否还有未来的人。以下是我与成瘾、贫困和监禁作斗争，以及成为重罪犯后生活的浓缩版故事。我希望它能鼓励那些处于类似境地的人：一切都会好起来的。

Amphetamine Addict and Prison at 14

14 岁的安非他命成瘾者与监狱生活

I was a model student up until around puberty and middle school. Then, I think a combination of being bullied for being overweight and teenage hormones, led me to be just the wrong combination of resentful, angry, unhappy, and rebellious. 在青春期和初中之前，我一直是个模范学生。后来，因为超重被霸凌以及青春期荷尔蒙的影响，我变得愤世嫉俗、愤怒、不快乐且叛逆。

I started getting in fistfights with people that made fun of me, being a huge asshole to teachers, stopped doing schoolwork, and started experimenting with drugs. 我开始和嘲笑我的人打架，对老师态度恶劣，不再完成学业，并开始尝试毒品。

The beginning of the end: The day I bought an Adderall from a classmate. When that amphetamine feeling kicked-in, it was as if life was perfect for the first time. I was happy, confident, felt I could do anything. I wanted to feel this way every waking moment for the rest of my life. 毁灭的开始：那天我从同学那里买了一颗阿得拉（Adderall）。当那种安非他命的感觉袭来时，我仿佛第一次觉得生活如此完美。我感到快乐、自信，觉得自己无所不能。我希望余生的每一刻都能保持这种感觉。

Being 14, I had no job, and I do not come from money. So, logically, I did the thing one must do if one wishes to sustain a drug habit: Devise a way to make money. 当时我才 14 岁，没有工作，家境也不富裕。所以，从逻辑上讲，为了维持毒瘾，我必须想办法赚钱。

The easiest way to make money at 14 turned out to be dealing drugs, so I started selling various prescription medications on a “buy-low-sell-high” basis from other students at school. 事实证明，14 岁时最容易赚钱的方法就是贩毒。于是，我开始从学校的其他学生那里“低买高卖”，倒卖各种处方药。

This was short-lived, as I had the huge mouth of a rebellious “I’m invincible” 14-year old boy, and I was shortly arrested and charged with 17 counts of Possession with Intent to Manufacture or Distribute a Scheduled II Controlled Substance. 这种日子没过多久，因为我当时是个叛逆且自以为“无敌”的 14 岁男孩，管不住自己的嘴。很快我就被捕了，并被控 17 项持有并意图制造或分发二级管制药物的罪名。

I wound up spending 2 years, from 14-16 at a maximum security juvenile prison (Lookout Mountain YSC, Golden CO). 最终，我在最高安全级别的少年监狱（科罗拉多州戈尔登的 Lookout Mountain YSC）度过了 14 到 16 岁这两年。

Freedom - Shortly Lived

自由——短暂的时光

In prison, I got my GED, and after release briefly enrolled in community college. I was working as a landscaper doing manual labor for $8/hr and then riding a bus 1hr each way to night classes. Not to say this sort of thing can’t be done (people do it all the time), but I didn’t have the tenacity or motivation to keep it up, so I dropped out. 在监狱里，我拿到了高中同等学力证书（GED）。出狱后，我短暂地进入社区大学就读。当时我做着时薪 8 美元的园艺体力活，每天还要坐 1 小时的公交车去上夜校。并不是说这种生活无法坚持（很多人都能做到），但我缺乏足够的毅力和动力，最终还是退学了。

I stayed sober for a brief period between 16-17. Not having learned my lesson, I again started selling drugs. I had learned about The Silk Road and the Darknet and was ordering (what was then) a legal “Research Chemical” with effects similar to MDMA (Methylone/bk-MDMA) shipped to my parents house. 在 16 到 17 岁之间，我保持了一段短暂的清醒。但我并没有吸取教训，又开始贩毒。我了解到了“丝绸之路”（The Silk Road）和暗网，并开始订购当时合法的“研究化学品”（效果类似于摇头丸 Methylone/bk-MDMA），寄到我父母家。

Eventually, my dad got home early from work and intercepted a package. Asking me what it was before I left for work, I told him “I don’t know, never heard of the return address name”. My father was not an idiot; he told me he was going to open it while I was at work, so I confessed “it’s drugs.” 最终，我父亲提前下班回家，拦截了一个包裹。在我去上班前，他问我那是什么，我撒谎说：“我不知道，没听说过寄件地址上的名字。”但我父亲并不傻，他说等我去上班后他会打开包裹，于是我坦白了：“那是毒品。”

Cue huge argument, him insisting he was going to remove everything from my room except my clothes and bed (most of which I paid for myself) and I would not be allowed to leave except for work. This was not an agreeable circumstance to me, so I refused — at which point my dad said “then you won’t be living here anymore!”. 随之而来的是一场激烈的争吵。他坚持要搬走我房间里除了衣服和床以外的所有东西（其中大部分是我自己买的），并且除了上班，我不准出门。我无法接受这种情况，于是拒绝了。这时我父亲说：“那你就别住这儿了！”

It’s important to note that in Colorado (at the time, at least), emancipation of a minor was not a status one could file for, but instead purely a court status to be recognized during legal proceedings. That meant there was technically no avenue for me to legally move out before 18 with proper legal status. 值得注意的是，在科罗拉多州（至少在当时），未成年人解放并不是一种可以申请的状态，而纯粹是法律程序中认可的一种法院状态。这意味着在法律上，我没有合法的途径在 18 岁之前搬出去。

So this, to me, sounded like sweet freedom & release, rather than a punishment. “You really won’t call the police if I leave?” “Nope.” I packed my backpack with my laptop and cash savings, and a suitcase with my clothes, and left. I had no plan but that was a bridge to be crossed. 所以对我来说，这听起来像是甜蜜的自由与解脱，而不是惩罚。“如果我离开，你真的不会报警吗？”“不会。”我把笔记本电脑和现金积蓄装进背包，带上装满衣服的行李箱，离开了。我没有任何计划，但船到桥头自然直。

It turned out that the parents of a friend had an unused bedroom in their trailer they would rent to me under-the-table for $300/mo. I jumped at that and slept on the floor of a trailer for 6 months. 后来，一个朋友的父母有一间闲置的卧室，他们愿意以每月 300 美元的价格私下租给我。我立刻答应了，并在那辆拖车的地板上睡了 6 个月。

I worked as a landscaper, at a lumber mill, and as a cashier at Walgreens, continuing to sell drugs on the side. 我做过园艺工、木材厂工人，还在 Walgreens 当过收银员，同时继续私下贩毒。

Inevitably, I wound up being arrested again on drug-related charges, and spent 18-19 in county jail. It was then that I became a convicted felon with a low-class felony. 不可避免地，我再次因毒品相关指控被捕，并在县监狱度过了 18 到 19 岁这段时光。也就是在那时，我因一项低级别重罪成为了有前科的重罪犯。

A Serendipitous News Article & a Software Job

一篇偶然的新闻报道与一份软件工作

While I was in county jail, one day the newspaper had a small article in it: “Tech company offers internships to at-risk & underprivileged youth.” 在县监狱服刑期间，有一天报纸上有一篇小短文：“科技公司为高危及贫困青少年提供实习机会。”

I had spent my childhood on the computer, playing videogames and eventually teaching myself to program to make game mods. I knew from a young age I wanted to be a programmer (I thought I wanted to make videogames, as most young children do). 我的童年是在电脑前度过的，玩电子游戏，后来为了制作游戏模组（mods）自学了编程。我很小的时候就知道自己想成为一名程序员（像大多数孩子一样，我当时以为我想做电子游戏）。

This to me, seemed like a fortuitous opportunity. I cut the article out and put it in a documents folder. 对我来说，这似乎是一个千载难逢的机会。我剪下那篇文章，放进了文件夹里。

Eventually, I was moved from regular jail population into the Work-Release jail program, where they let you out during the day for work. You had 1 week to find a job, and if you couldn’t secure employment you were sent back permanently to finish out your sentence. 最终，我从普通监狱转到了“工作释放”项目，白天可以出去工作。你有一周的时间找工作，如果找不到，就会被送回监狱服完剩余刑期。

The first day out, I walked into the offices of the company from the article and asked to speak to someone. I explained that I was fresh out of jail and had seen their article while inside. 出狱的第一天，我走进那家公司，要求见负责人。我解释说我刚出狱，在里面时看到了他们的报道。

They interviewed me, decided to hire me, and I was now an intern Full-Stack Web Developer! I knew nothing of web dev, and didn’t even particularly have an interest in it originally, but… 他们面试了我，决定录用我。就这样，我成了一名全栈 Web 开发实习生！我当时对 Web 开发一窍不通，最初甚至没什么兴趣，但是……