My car’s OTA update broke Android Auto

我的汽车 OTA 更新搞坏了 Android Auto

The Great Software Regress: How “Move Fast and Break Things” Broke Our Lives 软件大倒退： “快速行动，打破常规”是如何毁掉我们生活的

16 Jul, 2026 2026年7月16日

Just yesterday morning, my brand-new MINI Countryman auto-installed software update 03/2026.54. How exciting! The release notes promised groundbreaking changes, like changing the default interface highlights to green and other vague, unmentioned “stability improvements.” You know what else it improved? It completely killed Android Auto. And it’s not just me. Forums also have iPhone users watching CarPlay suffer the exact same brain-death under this firmware. It is a pathetic, damning indictment of modern software quality. Clearly, this shit couldn’t or wasn’t tested in any real-world capacity. 就在昨天早上，我那辆全新的 MINI Countryman 自动安装了 03/2026.54 版本的软件更新。多令人兴奋啊！发布说明承诺会有突破性的变化，比如将默认界面高亮颜色改为绿色，以及其他含糊其辞、未具体说明的“稳定性改进”。你知道它还改进了什么吗？它彻底搞死了 Android Auto。而且不仅仅是我遇到了这种情况。论坛上也有 iPhone 用户反映，在这一固件下，CarPlay 也出现了同样的“脑死亡”。这是对现代软件质量的一种可悲且严厉的控诉。显然，这些垃圾代码根本没有经过任何实际场景的测试，或者说压根就没测过。

So, my plan of action? I have to call MINI at some point and demand they fix this garbage. I already know how that call is going to go. They will obfuscate, read from a generic script, and try to make me run through the ultimate “we don’t know what the fuck the problem is” playbook: “Have you tried deleting and re-pairing the phone?” (Yes, obviously). “Have you tried clearing your cache?” (Fuck off). 那么，我的行动计划是什么？我得找个时间给 MINI 打电话，要求他们修复这些垃圾。我已经预见到那通电话会是什么样了。他们会含糊其辞，照着通用的脚本念，并试图让我走一遍那套终极的“我们根本不知道问题出在哪”的流程：“您试过删除并重新配对手机吗？”（废话，当然试过）。“您试过清除缓存吗？”（滚蛋吧）。

The Cult of the Two-Week Sprint 两周冲刺的迷信

I blame the absolute idiots who convinced the tech industry that developing software in two-week “sprints” is a good idea. If you genuinely think that, fuck you. You are mentally challenged, you are not an engineer, and you should stay as far away from software development as physically possible. The most toxic, brain-rotting concept anyone ever introduced to technology was: “We can just fix it later.” Everything you create should be an artistic endeavour aiming for perfection. The moment you introduce the idea of “rapid deployment,” you give tech-illiterate managers a license to take the easy way out. They start treating deeply complex software architecture as “shallow” and easily patchable. Newsflash: Issues are not shallow. You shouldn’t be allowed to push this half-baked garbage to vehicles. I am not your QA department. And don’t get me started on the product managers trying to justify their pathetic corporate existences by cramming useless AI into every screen, or worse, trusting Artificial Intelligence over Actual Intelligence (sorry, I know it’s a tired old line, but it fits). Fuck you, go do something to benefit humanity instead. There was a time when software actually improved. Now, “updates” are just an excuse to break shit that worked perfectly yesterday. 我责怪那些说服科技行业相信“两周冲刺”开发模式是好主意的绝对白痴。如果你真心这么认为，去你的。你脑子有问题，你根本不是工程师，你应该离软件开发越远越好。科技界引入的最有毒、最毁脑子的概念就是：“我们可以以后再修。”你创造的每一件东西都应该是一项追求完美的艺术创作。当你引入“快速部署”的概念时，你就给了那些不懂技术的经理们走捷径的许可。他们开始把极其复杂的软件架构视为“浅显”且易于修补的东西。新闻快讯：问题一点也不浅显。你们不应该被允许将这种半成品垃圾推送到车辆上。我不是你们的质量保证（QA）部门。别跟我提那些产品经理，他们试图通过把无用的 AI 塞进每一个屏幕来证明自己可悲的企业存在价值，更糟糕的是，他们宁愿相信人工智能也不愿相信人类智慧（抱歉，我知道这是句老掉牙的话，但它很贴切）。去你的，去做点造福人类的事情吧。曾经有一段时间，软件确实是在进步的。现在，“更新”只是破坏昨天还能完美运行的东西的借口。

The Compliance Racket 合规勒索

It gets even worse in my day job. I am forced to bend the knee to Cyber Essentials Plus compliance, which mandates that all high and critical updates must be pushed within 14 days of release. Let’s be completely real: this does not make anyone safer in the real world. Yes, technically, you are patching vulnerabilities. But in the actual, messy, human world, people get hacked because of deliberate user actions executing malicious payloads regardless of the underlying OS vulnerabilities. Heck, my mum once managed to pick up a malicious payload for iOS on her old first-gen iPad. Now, this was years after iOS 5 was relevant, but still user input was required. Or, take that LastPass breach where a senior DevOps engineer’s home system was compromised. He was running an old, unpatched version of Plex, but he also downloaded a malicious payload under the guise of a software update. He didn’t get hacked just because he ran old software; he got hacked because he fell for a targeted exploit and executed untrusted code. Heck, I was running an old, unsupported version of Plex on a 4K Blu-ray player that hadn’t seen an update in years, and you know what? I was perfectly fine because I controlled what ran on my network. Now, to see off your interjection that I’m wrong and that a wild remote code execution exploit doesn’t need user input well even with a wild Remote Code Execution (RCE) exploit, anything can be mitigated with proper firewalls, isolated network architecture, or offline, local hot-patching. For instance, companies like 0patch do incredible, ongoing micro-patch support for legacy versions of Windows going all the way back to Windows XP. They prove you don’t need a massive, bloated update package to stay secure. But no, we have to run on this endless hamster wheel of updates because of a massive compliance racket. Organisations pay thousands of pounds to get a stupid fucking tick on a form and a PDF certificate. And they only want that certificate because they’ve arbitrarily given it meaning. Stop giving these useless badges meaning. The only thing that should matter is software quality and having the ability to do your job quickly, reliably, and effectively. Running a constant treadmill of updates that only seem to degrade performance, introduce regressions, and break your tools helps absolutely nobody. 在我的日常工作中，情况甚至更糟。我被迫向 Cyber Essentials Plus 合规标准低头，该标准强制要求所有高危和关键更新必须在发布后 14 天内推送。说实话：这在现实世界中并不能让任何人更安全。是的，从技术上讲，你是在修补漏洞。但在现实、混乱的人类世界中，人们被黑是因为用户主动执行了恶意载荷，而与底层操作系统的漏洞无关。见鬼，我妈曾经在她那台老旧的第一代 iPad 上中过 iOS 的恶意载荷。那是在 iOS 5 过时多年之后的事了，但仍然需要用户输入。或者看看 LastPass 的那次泄露，一位高级 DevOps 工程师的家庭系统被入侵。他运行的是旧的、未打补丁的 Plex 版本，但他同时还下载了一个伪装成软件更新的恶意载荷。他被黑不是因为他运行了旧软件，而是因为他中了针对性的攻击并执行了不受信任的代码。见鬼，我曾在一台多年未更新的 4K 蓝光播放器上运行过旧的、不受支持的 Plex 版本，结果呢？我完全没事，因为我控制着网络上运行的内容。现在，为了反驳你可能提出的“我错了，野外远程代码执行漏洞不需要用户输入”的观点——好吧，即使是面对野外的远程代码执行（RCE）漏洞，任何问题都可以通过适当的防火墙、隔离的网络架构或离线的本地热补丁来缓解。例如，像 0patch 这样的公司为从 Windows XP 开始的旧版 Windows 提供令人难以置信的持续微补丁支持。他们证明了你不需要一个庞大、臃肿的更新包来保持安全。但不行，我们必须因为一个巨大的合规勒索而在这无休止的更新仓鼠轮上奔跑。组织支付数千英镑只是为了在表格上获得一个该死的勾选和一份 PDF 证书。他们想要那份证书仅仅是因为他们武断地赋予了它意义。别再赋予这些无用的徽章意义了。唯一重要的应该是软件质量，以及能够快速、可靠、有效地完成工作的能力。这种只会降低性能、引入回归错误并破坏工具的持续更新循环，对任何人都没有帮助。

Even Microsoft is Having a Mea Culpa 连微软都在认错

It has gotten so spectacularly bad with Windows that even Microsoft has been forced into a humiliating public reckoning. Their internal K2 Initiative is essentially a massive, desperate attempt to claw back some semblance of usability and performance from the absolute disaster that is the Windows 11 codebase. They are literally trying to rewrite their own bloated interface code just to get the Start menu to not lag by seconds. It is incredibly depressing, especially when you remember just how performant, clean, and snappy Windows 8.0 actually was under the hood before they bloated it to death. If we don’t start demanding that software works before it leaves the developer’s machine, we are going to keep paying premium prices to act as unpaid, frustrated beta testers for the rest of our lives. Windows 的情况已经糟糕到令人震惊，以至于连微软都被迫进行了一次丢脸的公开反思。他们的内部 K2 计划本质上是一次大规模的、绝望的尝试，试图从 Windows 11 代码库这场彻底的灾难中挽回一些可用性和性能。他们甚至不得不重写自己臃肿的界面代码，仅仅是为了让“开始”菜单不再卡顿几秒钟。这令人极其沮丧，尤其是当你回想起 Windows 8.0 在被他们彻底搞臃肿之前，其底层性能是多么出色、简洁且灵敏时。如果我们不开始要求软件在离开开发者的机器之前就必须能正常工作，我们将不得不继续支付高昂的价格，并在余生中充当无薪、沮丧的测试员。

We are All Complicit 我们都是共犯

To be brutally honest, I am part of the problem too. I have had pressure to make things worse instead of making things better. We are all complicit in the world we make. So when I say “fuck you,” I don’t just mean a faceless manager or developer. I mean “fuck the industry that we’ve made.” Let’s stop accepting mediocrity. Let’s start respecting quality again. 坦白说，我也是问题的一部分。我曾承受压力，被迫让事情变得更糟而不是更好。我们都是我们所创造的世界的共犯。所以当我骂“去你的”时，我指的不仅仅是某个无名的经理或开发者。我指的是“去他妈的我们共同造就的这个行业”。让我们停止接受平庸，让我们重新开始尊重质量。