Help Wanted

lake hope help wanted 31 July, ‘26

I am very sorry that the software that I created and put online for free, without any warranty, explicit or implied, has not met your expectations. You are entitled to a full refund. I have taken the liberty to initiate it. You should already have it. 我很抱歉，我免费发布且不提供任何明示或暗示保证的软件未能达到您的预期。您有权获得全额退款。我已经自作主张为您发起了退款，您应该已经收到了。

No, I am not changing my project’s license from AGPLv3-or-later to MIT. I am very sorry that “impacts” your ability to use my package in your “product.” No, I don’t care about my “reach.” Feel free to take back that star. Thank you for your pull request. Yes, that does seem like a useful feature, but you shouldn’t have, and I mean you really shouldn’t have. 不，我不会把我的项目许可证从 AGPLv3（或后续版本）改为 MIT。很抱歉这“影响”了您在您的“产品”中使用我的包。不，我不在乎我的“影响力”。请随意收回您的点赞（Star）。谢谢您的合并请求（PR）。是的，这看起来确实是个有用的功能，但您本不该这么做，我是说您真的不该这么做。

I read all 3700 words of the PR description (I appreciated the bulletpoints and bolded sections throughout), and god only knows why, I also reviewed the commits. I see the commits say they were co-authored by Claude, but from having read the code, I think you haven’t given Claude enough credit. I have now turned off PRs for everyone who isn’t on the approved list of contributors. Yes, that list only has me and my friend Kyla, who doesn’t really write any code. Thank you for your contribution. 我读完了那 3700 字的 PR 描述（我很欣赏其中的要点和加粗部分），天知道为什么，我还审查了提交记录。我看到提交记录显示是由 Claude 共同编写的，但读过代码后，我觉得您给 Claude 的功劳还不够。现在，我已经关闭了所有不在批准贡献者名单内的人的 PR 权限。是的，那份名单上只有我和我的朋友 Kyla，她其实并不写代码。谢谢您的贡献。

Yes, I know that other project has implemented this feature, and many others that have been on my backlog. If you want to depend on people who have no taste in software, you are welcome to use their project instead of mine. Open source is not a competition. Yes, I know they support Windows, which we don’t. PRs welcome. No, not from you, and definitely not from them. We do support Plan 9, because one day I ate the mushrooms my friend Kyla gave me for my birthday, and realised we needed that to heal the Universe. 是的，我知道那个项目已经实现了这个功能，还有许多我待办事项里的其他功能。如果您想依赖那些对软件毫无品味的人，欢迎您去用他们的项目，而不是我的。开源不是一场竞赛。是的，我知道他们支持 Windows，而我们不支持。欢迎提交 PR。不，不是您，更绝对不是他们。我们确实支持 Plan 9，因为有一天我吃了朋友 Kyla 送给我的生日蘑菇，然后意识到我们需要它来治愈宇宙。

Yes, I know they have about ten times more stars than me. Their project is on GitHub, and mine is on Codeberg, where every star is worth 100 on GitHub. Sure, whatever, it doesn’t work that way. The point is, I don’t care. I have other values. Those stars don’t pay the bills anyway. I know because I tried, and was told I had to stop. 是的，我知道他们的点赞数大约是我的十倍。他们的项目在 GitHub 上，而我的在 Codeberg 上，那里每一个点赞相当于 GitHub 上的 100 个。当然，随你怎么说，虽然事实并非如此。重点是，我不在乎。我有其他的价值观。反正那些点赞也付不起账单。我知道这一点，因为我尝试过，然后被告知必须停止。

Oh, thank you for letting me know that someone has vibe-rewritten my project in Go, Rust, Swift, and Kotlin, all at once, and has also implemented every feature on my backlog and wishlist. Their README does have a lot of cool visual effects, I agree. Oh, I see they dual-licensed it in MIT and Apache 2.0. Good for them. I see they’re also merging about 21 PRs a day, because their README shows a real-time graph. All made by their “AI teammates,” look at that. I wish I was their credit card, because then I might finally be in a happy relationship with someone who loves to use me this hard. 哦，谢谢你告诉我有人凭感觉把我的项目同时重写成了 Go、Rust、Swift 和 Kotlin 版本，还实现了我待办事项和愿望清单里的每一个功能。他们的 README 确实有很多酷炫的视觉效果，我同意。哦，我看到他们采用了 MIT 和 Apache 2.0 双重许可。真为他们高兴。我看到他们每天合并大约 21 个 PR，因为他们的 README 显示了一个实时图表。全都是由他们的“AI 队友”完成的，看看吧。我真希望我是他们的信用卡，那样我或许终于能和某个如此热衷于“使用”我的人建立一段幸福的关系了。

Oh, look, the README just lit up because another PR got merged. The LLM that merged it gave the LLM that reviewed it a folded hands emoji. Good luck to anyone who wants to use this, because honestly they’ll need it. Oh, look, another PR just made it in. How wonderful. They’re burning the planet for this. 哦，看，README 亮了一下，因为又一个 PR 被合并了。合并它的 LLM 给审查它的 LLM 发了一个合十礼的表情符号。祝任何想用这个东西的人好运，因为说实话，他们确实需要好运。哦，看，又一个 PR 被合并进去了。真是太棒了。他们为了这个正在燃烧地球呢。

Yes, I do see they now have a trendy online bank as their platinum-level sponsor, and three online gambling platforms as their gold-level sponsors. I bet they give those badges to anyone. Wait, how much? Oh. Cool. Cool cool cool. Cool. 是的，我确实看到他们现在有一家时髦的在线银行作为白金级赞助商，还有三家在线博彩平台作为黄金级赞助商。我敢打赌他们给谁都发这些徽章。等等，多少钱？哦。酷。酷酷酷。酷。

Me? I’m not doing this for money, but for the love of software and computing, and because I want the world to be a better place. No, not for you, because you keep using phrases like “agentic development lifecycle” with a straight face, and that is getting annoying. If I could find an OSI-compatible way to legally prevent you from using my code, or any code, forever, I would. Just be thankful my belief in the principles of open source is more important to me than the visceral hate I feel for you and everyone like you. No, I don’t want your “agent’s” “contributions.” Anyway, Codeberg could kick me off just for us talking. 我呢？我做这些不是为了钱，而是出于对软件和计算的热爱，以及因为我想让世界变得更美好。不，不是为了你，因为你总是面不改色地使用“代理开发生命周期”之类的词汇，这真的很烦人。如果我能找到一种符合 OSI 标准的方法，在法律上永远禁止你使用我的代码，或者任何代码，我会做的。你就庆幸我对开源原则的信仰比我对你和你这类人的那种发自内心的厌恶更重要吧。不，我不想要你那“代理”的“贡献”。总之，光是我们现在的对话，Codeberg 就可能把我踢出去。

Yes, I am looking for funding. Which foundation? Oh, yes, I have applied for a grant with them. Their new guidelines say that every project needs to be “of European basis.” I wrote a short essay about how Europe is less a place than an idea, and ideas know no borders. Yes, thank you, I also thought that was a pretty good take! I also talked about that time I was on a bike tour in Brussels and had great fries. 是的，我正在寻求资金。哪个基金会？哦，是的，我向他们申请了资助。他们的新准则说每个项目都需要“基于欧洲”。我写了一篇短文，论述了欧洲与其说是一个地方，不如说是一个理念，而理念是没有国界的。是的，谢谢，我也觉得这个观点很棒！我还谈到了那次我在布鲁塞尔骑行旅游并吃了很棒的薯条的经历。

Unfortunately, my application was rejected. If you know any EU residents who want to pretend to contribute to my project, let me know. 不幸的是，我的申请被拒绝了。如果你认识任何想假装为我的项目做贡献的欧盟居民，请告诉我。

Despite what you might think, I do use AI. I actually asked ChatGPT to help me find grants in the US, but all of its suggestions led to dead links. Some of them ended in .gov, which said “you tried to seek government funding. This incident will be reported,” with a silly picture of a Shiba Inu. On the plus side, ChatGPT told me that my project is amazing, and solves an urgent need. Yes, that was the free model. I would try the premium ones, but they don’t let you pay in stars. What about Gemini? No. My birth chart says that would be a disaster. 尽管你可能不这么认为，但我确实使用 AI。我实际上问过 ChatGPT 帮我寻找美国的资助，但它所有的建议都指向了死链。其中一些以 .gov 结尾，上面写着“你试图寻求政府资助。此事件将被报告”，并配有一张愚蠢的柴犬图片。好的一面是，ChatGPT 告诉我我的项目很棒，解决了紧迫的需求。是的，那是免费模型。我想试试高级版，但他们不接受用点赞支付。Gemini 怎么样？不。我的星盘显示那将是一场灾难。

No, I am not changing my license to MIT. However, I now offer commercial licenses that can be negotiated upon reque- Hello? Hello, are you there? Fucking thought so. 不，我不会把我的许可证改为 MIT。不过，我现在提供商业许可证，可以根据要求协商——喂？喂，你在吗？我就知道。

My project attacked your supply chain? I think you are confused. I am not a supply chain, and we do not host bindings on npm or crates.io. Wait, one moment. I ran git blame, and I did see some commits from someone who contributed those bindings. Their name was Purple Peony, and they were the best contributor we ever had. Very friendly and polite, with multiple high-quality contributions over a period of eight months, including optimising our code for RISC-V (do you know our code fucking flies on RISC-V under Plan 9? Who cares about supporting Windows, what we have is the future, and those other posers and their project wish, girl, they fucking wish). Oh, yes, so one day I added Purple Peony as a co-owner. I just felt so happy and grateful they existed, as we all do, beings of pure essence, children of the Universe. I think that was maybe another time I ate those mushrooms from Kyla. Anyway, that’s when Purple Peony contributed those bindings for JavaScript and Rust, 我的项目攻击了你的供应链？我想你搞错了。我不是什么供应链，我们也没有在 npm 或 crates.io 上托管绑定。等等，等一下。我运行了 git blame，确实看到了一些由贡献了那些绑定的人提交的代码。他们的名字叫“紫牡丹”（Purple Peony），他们是我们有史以来最好的贡献者。非常友好且礼貌，在八个月的时间里做出了多次高质量的贡献，包括为 RISC-V 优化了我们的代码（你知道我们的代码在 Plan 9 下的 RISC-V 上跑得有多快吗？谁在乎支不支持 Windows，我们拥有的才是未来，那些装模作样的家伙和他们的项目，天哪，他们做梦去吧）。哦，是的，所以有一天我把“紫牡丹”加为了共同所有者。我当时感到非常快乐和感激他们的存在，就像我们所有人一样，作为纯粹本质的生命，宇宙的孩子。我想那可能是我又一次吃了 Kyla 给的那些蘑菇的时候。总之，就在那时，“紫牡丹”贡献了那些 JavaScript 和 Rust 的绑定，