Being kicked out of the tech industry

被科技行业“踢出局”

I think I’m giving up on being a “professional” software engineer. I’ve tried it for a decade. I’ve been laid off more than half of the times I’ve been in the game. I’ve been fired while having a mental health break that was induced due to a death in the family that merited no pity or support. I’m told to keep grinning, keep trying, keep smiling. It is fucking difficult to keep doing so while working other jobs to get by. So I think I give up.

我想我打算放弃做一名“职业”软件工程师了。我尝试了十年。在我职业生涯的经历中，有一半以上的时间我都被裁员了。我曾因家庭变故导致心理健康崩溃而休假，却因此被解雇，这段经历没有得到任何同情或支持。人们总是告诉我，要保持微笑，继续努力，继续笑对生活。但在为了维持生计而不得不从事其他工作的同时，还要做到这一点，简直难如登天。所以我认为我放弃了。

This has obliterated my job in software, something that began as a hobby, and I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I’m fortunate to have family to fall back on but as folks know, I am the Yggdrasil of sorts so once my coffers run out — it’ll get harder. We’re not supposed to say that we’re in a recession but damned if I’d lie as I hear from more than half of the people I know about how difficult it is to keep a job, let alone find one.

这彻底摧毁了我的软件工作——这份工作最初只是我的爱好——我不知道接下来该做什么。我很幸运还有家人可以依靠，但正如大家所知，我某种程度上是家里的“世界之树”（Yggdrasil，意指顶梁柱），所以一旦我的积蓄耗尽，日子会变得更加艰难。我们本不该说现在处于经济衰退期，但我绝不会撒谎，因为我认识的人中有一半以上都在抱怨保住一份工作有多难，更不用说找一份新工作了。

Giving up is okay. But this feels more like being kicked out. Getting more than 5 rejections a day despite my past work is humiliating. Having to be told that “you’re great but no” more than 6 times a day is demeaning. And having to hear that it’ll take a year to find a job — how the fuck does society claim to be in a good place if folks have bills to pay during this time?

放弃是可以的。但这感觉更像是被踢出局。尽管我有过往的工作经验，但每天收到超过 5 封拒信依然让我感到屈辱。每天被告知超过 6 次“你很优秀，但我们不能录用你”，这让人感到自尊受损。而且还要听到“找工作需要一年时间”这种话——如果人们在这期间还要支付账单，社会凭什么声称自己处于一个良好的状态？

I don’t see how I’m supposed to keep trying when I keep getting “no”s from people who claim to open to the ideas of a “yes”. I am capable of the work being presented in front of me. I’ve done architectural work time and time again. I’ve done silly puzzles over and over to demonstrate my understanding of a programming language’s primitives. I’ve been on-call for projects millions of people have used. I’ve been able to get clearance to federal resources to develop software for it.

当那些声称对“录用”持开放态度的人不断给我“拒绝”时，我不知道自己该如何继续尝试。我有能力胜任摆在面前的工作。我一次又一次地做过架构设计。我反复做过那些愚蠢的编程题，以证明我对编程语言基础知识的理解。我曾为数百万用户使用的项目担任过值班工程师。我甚至获得过联邦资源的许可来开发相关软件。

At this point, I know it’s not me but it is fucking with my ability to get by. Am I on some sort of blacklist invisible to employees for talking too much and causing too much of a ruckus in a workplace? Did my bringing up of a book at a company get one of the executives too upset? Did me having a crisis in public become too embarrassing for another? What the fuck is the problem?

到了这个地步，我知道问题不在我，但这确实严重影响了我的生存能力。我是不是因为在职场中话太多、闹得太凶，而被列入了某种员工不可见的黑名单？是因为我在公司提到的一本书让某位高管不高兴了吗？还是因为我在公共场合经历的危机让别人感到尴尬？这到底是什么鬼问题？

The Game is not the Game Before, it was enough to have something you can demonstrate. To have skill, to have experience. Now, it does not matter. I guess it goes doubly for me since I don’t have any formal education; I’m more of a risk or liability. It also doesn’t help that I’m on public record multiple times for being comfortable with bringing a company to the cloth if they’re not respecting their workers (which is most of the time; without a union, you only have promises, not commitments).

现在的游戏规则已经不是以前的游戏规则了。以前，只要你能展示出成果、拥有技能和经验就足够了。现在，这些都不重要了。对我来说更是如此，因为我没有受过正规教育；我更像是一个风险或负担。此外，我曾多次公开表示，如果公司不尊重员工（这种情况大多数时候都在发生；没有工会，你得到的只有口头承诺，而非契约保障），我会毫不犹豫地诉诸法律，这对我也没有任何帮助。

I don’t know what it is that’s causing problems. I’m being told it’s not me, it’s them but there’s too many “them”s for me to think it’s solely a “them” problem. I dress better than most folks, I can explain technical concepts to folks who know nothing about TCP/IP, I’ve gone and broken my own stance about not using AI to follow the industry in hopes of improving my chances.

我不知道到底是什么导致了这些问题。人们告诉我问题不在我，而在他们，但“他们”的数量太多了，让我无法认为这仅仅是“他们”的问题。我穿得比大多数人都体面，我能向对 TCP/IP 一无所知的人解释技术概念，我甚至打破了自己不使用 AI 的立场，试图跟上行业趋势以增加机会。

What I’m learning now is this: It is solely a game of referral: it does not matter what you apply with because other people are cheating in the application process. I do not cheat off principle because it catches up to you. But now I have to beg people for the chance at getting a job; thank you OpenAI nee Microsoft. Your experience is meaningless: it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, how long you’ve done it or what you’ve contributed. It’s more if they like and trust you.

我现在学到的是：这完全是一场靠内推的游戏。你用什么简历申请并不重要，因为其他人都在申请过程中作弊。出于原则，我不作弊，因为作弊终会自食其果。但现在我不得不乞求别人给我一个工作的机会；感谢 OpenAI，也就是现在的微软。你的经验毫无意义：你做过什么、做了多久、贡献了什么都不重要。重要的是他们是否喜欢你、信任你。

I’m a personable guy and I do my best to come off as the such. I also know when I make white people uncomfortable and I’m not capable of being a respectable Negro. If I have to resort to that behavior in order to get a job, I’ll join the police academy. Please don’t be surprised if you see a GoFundMe campaign from me - again - in the next two weeks.

我是一个随和的人，我也尽力表现出这一点。我也知道什么时候我会让白人感到不舒服，而且我无法成为那种“体面的黑人”。如果为了找工作我必须诉诸那种行为，那我宁愿去报考警校。如果未来两周内你再次看到我发起的 GoFundMe 众筹活动，请不要感到惊讶。

Folks are going to comment and say whatever for publishing this. I think I get a little bored of seeing the same old business as usual when more than 30% of people are fucking going through for it for no reason outside of “you’re not the match we’re looking for”. Well, what was it then!?

人们会评论，会对我发布这篇文章说三道四。我想，当超过 30% 的人仅仅因为“你不是我们要找的人”这种理由而陷入困境时，我对这种一成不变的陈词滥调感到厌倦了。那么，到底什么才是匹配的呢！？