How to Escape Group Chat Hell

如何逃离群聊地狱

A specific cadence for contemporary group chats eludes me. The rapid-fire tempo of texts combined with custom stickers, often based on inside jokes, leaves me behind. My digital fate: the silent lurker. As I let the notifications wash over me, I am a ghostlike figure haunting the group chat, a silent watcher who rarely responds without a specific invocation.

当代群聊那种特定的节奏让我难以捉摸。短信的连珠炮式轰炸，再加上往往基于内部梗的自定义表情包，让我总是跟不上节奏。我的数字命运就是：做一个沉默的潜水员。当通知如潮水般涌来时，我像个幽灵一样徘徊在群聊中，做一个沉默的观察者，除非被特别点名，否则很少回应。

Group chats are dominating the social lives of younger Americans. In a recent YouGov poll, 34 percent of adults under 30 said they are in at least four group chats, whether via text or other messaging app. Power texters are spending hours juggling multiple message threads—3 percent of adults under 30 said they are in more than 20 distinct group chats.

群聊正主导着美国年轻人的社交生活。在最近的一项 YouGov 民意调查中，30 岁以下的成年人中有 34% 表示他们至少加入了四个群聊，无论是通过短信还是其他通讯软件。重度用户每天花费数小时在多个消息线程之间周旋——3% 的 30 岁以下成年人表示他们同时身处 20 多个不同的群聊中。

These group chats are not just for the young folk, though. All attempts at social interactions now spark a new group message. A WhatsApp thread for our monthly book club. An Instagram group for that weekend getaway. A bulbous iMessage chat with random cousins attempting to plan a family reunion. Group chat hell is everywhere you turn.

不过，这些群聊并非年轻人的专属。现在，所有的社交互动尝试都会引发一个新的群聊消息。为了每月读书会建立的 WhatsApp 线程；为了周末出游建立的 Instagram 群组；还有为了筹划家庭聚会而建立的、塞满了七大姑八大姨的 iMessage 群聊。群聊地狱无处不在。

Here are a few tips for maintaining your sanity during the reign of the group chat, without becoming a textless social pariah. Hint: It’s all about boundaries.

以下是一些在群聊统治时代保持理智，同时又不至于成为社交孤儿的小贴士。提示：关键在于设定界限。

Core Compromise

核心折中方案

Maybe you thrive in the chaos of hundreds of notifications, but I don’t. I started by choosing which text threads were most important to me. A text thread with my immediate family is nonnegotiable. A group message about a trip that’s in one month is actually helpful for logistics. A random thread where people are throwing out Halloween ideas might be fun, but it’s on the chopping block. Make a short list of what you actually want to participate in and stay there.

也许你很享受数百条通知带来的混乱，但我并不。我首先选择了对我最重要的消息线程。与直系亲属的群聊是不可或缺的。关于一个月后旅行的群消息对行程规划确实有帮助。而那种大家随意抛出万圣节想法的随机群聊虽然有趣，但却在我的“清理名单”上。列一个简短的清单，明确你真正想参与的内容，并坚持下去。

Walk Away

潇洒离场

For the others, you can leave the chat. It really is that easy. Especially for event-based group chats, I’m quick to leave the conversation after it’s all wrapped and any outstanding bills are settled. Much like I’m not going to be the last person to leave an afterparty, I’m walking away from group chats without hesitation. If there’s a specific aspect of the conversation I want to keep going, I’ll follow up with those people.

对于其他的群聊，你可以直接退出。真的就是这么简单。特别是对于基于特定活动的群聊，一旦活动结束且所有账单结清，我会迅速退出。就像我不会是最后一个离开派对的人一样，我会毫不犹豫地退出群聊。如果对话中有我想要继续探讨的话题，我会私下联系相关人员。

Mute It

开启静音

You’ve picked your core group chats you don’t want to give up, and you’ve walked away from the rest. Now is your time to play with the notification settings and see what your smartphone offers. It’s worth looking into the settings overall, as well as the options for individualized threads inside apps, especially if some notifications rarely come through while other text threads are more active.

你已经选出了不想放弃的核心群聊，并退出了其余的群组。现在是时候调整通知设置，看看你的智能手机能提供哪些功能了。深入研究整体设置以及应用内针对单个线程的选项是非常值得的，特别是当某些群聊通知很少，而其他线程却非常活跃时。

If you balk at the idea of notification distractions, consider Do Not Disturb settings. Be forewarned that being this unreachable can sometimes become a headache for those closest to you.

如果你对通知干扰感到反感，可以考虑“勿扰模式”。但要提醒你，这种“失联”状态有时会让你最亲近的人感到头疼。

Get Creative

发挥创意

For those group chats you decide to stay in, why not spruce up the place a bit? Whether you’re on an iPhone or Android, there are plenty of options for making your group chats more specific to your context and potentially just more fun to use. Right now I’m watching Game of Thrones from the beginning for the first time. I have a group chat with friends to process some of our reactions and update the background image to whatever character I’m currently rooting for.

对于那些你决定留下的群聊，为什么不稍微装饰一下呢？无论你使用的是 iPhone 还是 Android，都有很多选项可以让你的群聊更具个性化，甚至更有趣。我最近正在从头开始看《权力的游戏》。我和朋友们建了一个群来交流观感，并把群背景图换成我当前支持的角色。

Go Direct

直接私聊

I mentioned earlier that when I leave a group thread and I want to keep some aspect of the conversation going, I’ll follow up directly with people. This seems to be the better direction to take overall. While you may get a dopamine rush from shooting off hilarious memes and receiving reaction emojis in the group chat, cultivating relationships often happens best with one-on-one moments. Directly texting someone feels like a worthwhile compromise to escape from group chat hell, without fully excluding yourself from modern messaging. Though a face-to-face chat always feels best.

我之前提到过，当我退出群聊但又想继续某个话题时，我会直接私下联系对方。这似乎是更好的处理方式。虽然在群聊中发送搞笑表情包并收到回应会带来多巴胺快感，但培养人际关系往往在“一对一”的时刻效果最好。直接给某人发短信似乎是逃离群聊地狱的一个值得尝试的折中方案，既不会让你完全脱离现代通讯，又能保持联系。当然，面对面的交谈永远是最好的。