So long Google, and thanks for all the nudes

再见谷歌，感谢你发来的裸照

So long google, and thanks for all the nudes. The play store does not run on my old devices, this led me accidentally experience some joy while using Android. I’ve recently acquired 10 identical android 6.0.1 phones. The plan is to equip them with some sms gateway software and ship them to some customers. Because those phones are so old, I’ve had to improvise. And because I have 10 of them, I’m not too scared of experimenting. It gave me a taste of what a degoogled, compile-from-source android os is like. I’m starting to think I’d actually enjoy using that.

再见谷歌，感谢你发来的裸照。我的旧设备已经无法运行 Play 商店了，这反而让我意外地体验到了使用 Android 的乐趣。最近我弄到了 10 台一模一样的 Android 6.0.1 手机，计划给它们装上短信网关软件后发给客户。因为这些手机太老了，我不得不进行各种变通。正因为我有 10 台，所以我并不担心折腾坏它们。这让我尝到了“去谷歌化”、从源码编译 Android 系统的滋味，我开始觉得我其实挺喜欢这种体验的。

I’m forced to pick lightweight apps because the os only has 2gb of ram. They happen to be my favorite kind of app. I’m making my own (slop) apps when I can’t find exactly what I want. This joyful fiddling comes with a big let down by google. I was hoping to publish my new game on the store and charge for it, but their review process is so broken, I think I’ll stick to fdroid and itch.io. Google is simultaneously grabbing full power over app developers with their latest monopoly consolidating move, and botching the review process to a level I have never witnessed before.

由于系统只有 2GB 内存，我被迫选择轻量级应用，而这恰好是我最喜欢的应用类型。当找不到完全符合我需求的应用时，我就自己动手写一些（粗糙的）应用。这种折腾的乐趣却被谷歌的一盆冷水浇灭了。我本希望在商店发布我的新游戏并收费，但他们的审核流程实在太烂了，我想我还是坚持用 F-Droid 和 itch.io 吧。谷歌在通过最新的垄断整合举措全面掌控应用开发者的同时，其审核流程的糟糕程度也达到了我前所未见的水平。

Google never cared about my apps. The review process is humiliating, alien, infuriating. The reasons an app is rejected are never clearly explained. This has always been the case, publishing mermaid gdocs years ago led me to the start of my degoogling journey. I tried to offer my text editor Tabby on the play store, but it was rejected. They attached a nsfw screenshot of some unidentified app. Google is literally sending me nudes as part of their review process. I appealed, stating that this had nothing to do with my app, and (as expected) the appeal was rejected without explanation. Someone probably looked at the same screenshot and thought, “yep, that’s still p0rn.”

谷歌从不在乎我的应用。审核过程既屈辱又疏离，令人愤怒。应用被拒的原因从不解释清楚。这种情况一直存在，多年前发布 Mermaid GDocs 的经历就是我“去谷歌化”旅程的起点。我曾尝试在 Play 商店上架我的文本编辑器 Tabby，但被拒绝了。他们附上了一张不知名应用的 NSFW（不宜工作场所）截图。谷歌竟然在审核过程中给我发裸照。我提出了申诉，说明这与我的应用无关，但（不出所料）申诉被驳回，没有任何解释。大概是某个人看了同一张截图，然后心想：“没错，这还是色情内容。”

I suspect some of the automatic app listing translations they added contained a link to some dodgy website. I’m blocked from reading the content I submitted anyway, so I can’t tell. Maybe they mixed up apps during the review. Maybe they opened the wrong text file in the editor. I don’t know, I can’t ask anyone, and any repeat offense can lead to a full dev account deletion, so I will not try to “debug” their review process. I no longer care.

我怀疑他们添加的一些自动应用列表翻译中包含了一些可疑网站的链接。反正我被禁止查看自己提交的内容，所以无法确认。也许他们在审核时搞混了应用，也许他们在编辑器里打开了错误的文件。我不知道，我也没法问任何人，而且任何重复违规都可能导致开发者账号被彻底封禁，所以我不会去尝试“调试”他们的审核流程了。我不在乎了。

Google is never pushing free apps forward. It seems pretty clear to me that counting on google is a bad idea. I’ll keep building tools and games, and share them to the people that are brave enough to venture outside of the play store. Google, if you want the exclusive power to gatekeep apps, you should do a much better job of reviewing them.

谷歌从不推动免费应用的发展。对我来说，指望谷歌显然是个糟糕的主意。我会继续开发工具和游戏，并分享给那些有勇气走出 Play 商店的人。谷歌，如果你想要独占应用审核的权力，你就应该把审核工作做得更好。